


You Make It Hurt So Good

by Queen_Of_Lions



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, star - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Awesome Leia Organa, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Of_Lions/pseuds/Queen_Of_Lions
Summary: Poe has made many rash decisions in his life, his most recent being rescuing/kinda kidnapping Hux as they escape the Steadfast.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 34
Kudos: 112





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there *dramatic cape drop* 
> 
> I've had this idea in my notes for awhile now so I've finally started it. I reeaaalllyyy hope you all enjoy it my gingerpilot loves

"I'm the spy," 

"I _knew_ it," 

"No you didn't," 

Finn was totally wrong. Really, he was. Ok, so maybe Poe was a _little_ surprised that Hux was the spy but the thought had crossed his mind. 

"There's not much time," barked Hux, releasing their binders and heading for the door. "Well, what are you just standing there for? _Hurry up._ " 

Finn, Poe and Chewbacca ran after Hux, who led them to the main hanger. He banged the console frantically to open the door. 

"You need to hurry." 

Chewie ran straight out the door, Poe hot on his heels. But something made him stop , and he called Chewie back to wait. 

"Shoot me in the arm quick or they'll know it was me," 

Poe watched on as Finn aimed his blaster straight at Hux's heart, but at the last minute he switched and shot him in the leg. Finn looked down contemptously as Hux fell to the floor, clutching his leg in agony. Satisfied, Finn made his way out the door, almost crashing into Poe, who hadn't moved. 

"Poe, what are you standing here for c'mon we gotta go now." 

He tried to push past but Poe put his arm on his shoulder to stop him. 

"We can't leave him here they'll kill him," said Poe. 

"Who cares," shouted Finn, "after what he's done he deserves it." 

"Finn, without him we wouldn't have made it out of here. We can't just leave him here to die." 

"Poe have you lost your mind?" 

"Finn buddy, It's not up for discussion. Anyway, he'll be useful for intel" sighed Poe. He then went towards Hux. "Do you think you can walk?" 

Hux was trying his hardest to pull himself up, but his leg was buckled under him. When he heard Poe's question he glared up at him. "What do you think Dameron? I got shot in the leg of course I can't bloody walk. And why do you care anyway?" 

"I care," sighed Poe, "because you helped us. And honestly it would be strategically suicidal to _not_ bring you with us. So now we're gonna help you." 

"Help me?"

"Yes we're bringing you with us were you even listening?" 

"Absolutely not. You must be out of your mind if you think I'll willingly go with you. " 

Poe was quite sick of all this arguing and how long it was taking, so he decided it was time to speed things up a bit.

"Well then lucky we don't need you to be willing. Chewie, can you carry Hux to the Falcon, we're running pretty tight on time and _someone_ decided to shoot him in the leg so he can't walk." 

"Rrarhwarh," 

Chewie bounded over and scooped Hux up, much to his chagrin. 

"Put me down you great hairy beast," growled Hux, feebly attempting to free himself from the wookie's grasp. Eventually he gave up and huffed, squeezing his eyes in pain as they ran towards the Falcon. 

Just as they reached the ramp of the falcon they saw Rey running towards them, with the droids not far behind her. She took a second to make sure everyone was there, barely even registering the extra passenger. Satisfied they were all safe she bounded up the ramp towards the cockpit. Poe ran after her, leaving Finn and Chewie to bring up the rear with their new 'guest.'

Chewie went to the main hold and placed Hux down on a bunk unceremoniously, grumbling at him unintelligibly before making his way to the cockpit to join the others. Hux laid back and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply and trying not to groan in agony. Typical of the idiot to hit the major artery in his leg. He reached down to hold the spot hoping it would help ease the pain even a little. He was surprised when he touched his pants and they felt wet and sticky. He looked down at his hand and felt nauseous when he saw it covered in blood.

He felt his consciousness slipping as the Falcon's engines revved up, and he was out cold before they had even taken off.

* * *

Poe was the first to leave the cockpit once they entered hyper space, heading to the main hold to make sure Hux hadn't thrown himself out of an airlock while left unsupervised. When he saw Hux passed out, with his blood smeared hand dangling off the bunk, he ran to the refresher and grabbed the emergency med kit, racing back to the main hold. 

When he reached Hux he knelt down beside him, frantically searching for the scissors in the med kit. Once he found it he immediately went about cutting Hux's pants so he could get to the wound. He grabbed the antibac wipes, gently cleaning the wound before spraying it with bacta and wrapping it up. 

As Poe was closing up the med kit Hux stirred, groaning and reaching for his leg in pain. He grimaced when he got his bearings and realised where he was, glaring when he noticed Poe beside him. 

"Why did you cut my pants they're ruined now," he grumbled. 

"Alright Hugs, I just saved your leg from bleeding out but ok let's talk about your _ruined pants_."

"I bet you cant wait until we land so you can parade me out in front of your rebel friends and make me into a laughing stock," Hux growled.

"That's not how we do things, we're better than that," insisted Poe. 

Hux scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Keep telling yourself that." 

Poe was about to protest when Rey appeared at the door. She paused to take a good look at the new arrival before clearing her throat awkwardly. 

"We're about to leave hyperspace so I was going to ask you to help me land...but I can ask Chewie if you're busy," she said. 

"No it's fine, I was just leaving anyway," said Poe, glancing quickly at Hux before following Rey out of the main hold. 

As the ship exited hyperspace and started its descent, Hux's heart began to race, and he breathed deep. He fidgeted with the hem of his now ruined pants, waiting with bated breath as the engines slowly wound down and he felt the tell tale bump of landing. 

He swung his legs off the bunk and stood shakily, forcing down the wave of nausea as he forced himself to take one step at a time. He would not suffer the indignity of being carried by that great hairy beast like a lamb to slaughter. It was bad enough he had to walk out in front of this rabble with his ruined pants, he most certainly would _not_ be carried. 

"Hey hey hey what are you doing you can't walk on that leg you'll fall," shouted Poe, running to grab Hux when he saw him walking without aid. 

Hux shook him off. "I will walk to my death with dignity thank you very much." 

Poe balked at Hux's words. "We're not going to kill you that's not..." 

"Spare me the platitudes and let's just get on with this shall we?" 

"Fine," sighed Poe as he stepped aside, allowing Hux to limp his way out of the main hold to the top of the exit ramp. He stopped there for a second to catch his bearings and to steel his nerves before slowly hobbling down the ramp, where several members of the resistance were waiting patiently. 

"General Hux, we finally meet," greeted Leia icily. 

Hux straightened himself to his full stature, towering over Leia in an attempt to appear somewhat like his usual intimidating self. No easy feat considering his current state of disarray, but he attempted it all the same. 

"Indeed we do, though I must I admit I did not expect us to." 

"Oh believe me, I had not anticipated our meeting either. Yet here we are and I'm sure we will have _much_ to discuss in due course. But until then you will be held in custody as the criminal that you are. Poe, take him to a holding room." 

With that Leia turned and went back into the base. The others present glared at Hux before following her back inside, some already discussing the possibility of a public execution. 

"Well, I suppose I better take you to holding then," said Poe. 

"Get on with it already," barked Hux. 

Poe sighed, grabbing Hux's arm and leading him into the base. Hux tried to pay attention to where they were going, a small part of his brain thinking he could formulate some grand escape plan, but the pain in his leg was too distracting. Before he knew it Poe was leading him into the holding room. It had a bed, a light and nothing else. Hux supposed it was better than nothing. 

"Right well, I better head to debrief," said Poe, scratching the back of his neck. "I...for the record...I didn't..." 

"Save it," Hux hissed, "don't even pretend that you didn't know this would happen. You 'saved' me from one death only to bring me to another. Now if you don't mind I'd like to rest my leg while I can." 

Poe winced, but he didn't argue. He was right after all. Poe wasn't naive enough to think Hux wouldn't be put into custody. He was a wanted war criminal, the starkiller no less...but he was also their spy and that had to mean _something._ Poe was sure if it. 

"I'll get someone to bring you something to eat, and I'll come back later to see how you're doing," Poe said finally. Hux didn't respond so Poe took that as his cue to leave. 

He locked the door and headed down the corridor, heading for the control room to debrief Leia on their _eventful_ trip and somehow convince her that they totally didn't imagine that _The_ General Hux was, in fact, their spy 

"I've got a bad feeling about this," he sighed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it. This chapter was kinda just to set the scene I'm planning to dump a boatload of angst on you all real soon. 
> 
> Until next time x 
> 
> (Come say hi on tumblr too [holdingforgeneralhugs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/holdingforgeneralhugs) I always love to chat with people.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, hope you're all doing ok x 
> 
> I'm really enjoying writing this story ngl, I hope you'll enjoy reading it :D 
> 
> Now, on with chapter 2

Poe could feel a headache coming.

Following the mission debrief, they were trying to decide the best way to deal with their spy. Needless to say some ideas were more... _controversial_ than others. 

"He should be tried and executed for everything he's done," shouted Finn hotly. 

"Finn, I know he's done some awful things, to you and the galaxy, but we don't execute people," explained Leia gently. 

Finn's shoulders sagged and he sighed. "I know, if we did that we'd be no better than _him._ I just..." 

"I get it buddy," said Poe, clapping a hand on Finn's shoulder, "but as much as it pains me to say, we can't totally forget what he's done for us."

"I have to agree with you Poe," sighed Leia, "without the intel he provided us we wouldn't be even close to where we are now. He gave us a huge advantage. The question I'm really interested in is _why_ he did it." 

Poe and Finn nodded in agreement. 

"I can try to talk to him if you like?" 

Rey, who had been mostly silent during the discussions, stepped up to the table. 

"Yes," nodded Leia, "I suppose that would be a good idea. Sooner rather than later." 

* * *

Poe and Rey stopped just outside Hux's door. 

"I'll be just out here if you need me for anything," said Poe. 

"Thanks Poe," Rey smiled, taking a deep breath before unlocking Hux's cell and entering. 

Hux looked up warily when the door opened, his eyebrow arching when he saw his visitor. 

"I suppose you're here to probe my mind," 

Rey grimaced at his bluntness. "No, I'm not going to _probe_ your mind. I'm not like him." 

Hux snorted in derision and rolled his eyes. He watched her cautiously as she approached him. 

"May I sit," she asked, gesturing towards the bed which Hux was sitting on. He grumbled but nodded in assent, moving up slightly so he wouldn't have to be too close to her. 

Rey sat at the edge of the bed and turned to face him.

"So," she started, getting straight to the point, "What made you decide to help us?" 

"You really don't waste time do you?" 

"Well I didn't think you'd be particularly interested in small talk," sniped Rey. 

Hux laughed humourlessly. "What makes you think I'll tell you anything?" 

"Look, you helped us for a reason, whatever it may be. It would certainly work to your advantage if you told me that reason." 

Hux couldn't help but smirk, mildly impressed at her brazeness. "My advantage? What, do I get a room with a view?" 

"Perhaps, if you're particularly compliant," snorted Rey. 

"What exactly are you expecting me to say?" snarled Hux, "That I had a sudden change of heart? That I wanted to do what was right and just? Don't fool yourself. Everything I did, I did for my own reasons." 

"Then tell me, how is it your _personal reasons_ happened to align with our cause?" 

"Why don't we cut the bantha shit," spat Hux. "We both know its inevitable that you'll force your way into my mind so why don't you just get on with it." 

Rey studied him for a moment. "You're scared," she said, raising an eyebrow. "You're afraid I'll hurt you the way Kylo has for years."

Hux scratched at his wrist subconsciously, averting his gaze for the briefest moment before glaring harshly at Rey. 

"How presumptuous of you. I'm not afraid of _anything._ "

"Such bravado," commented Rey. "You'll excuse me if I don't believe you. I don't have to enter your mind to sense your fear of the force." 

Hux spluttered indignantly, trying and failing to refute her frankly _preposterous_ claims.

"Look," sighed Rey, standing abruptly, "You're clearly not going to tell me anything today, so I'll just come back again tomorrow and maybe you'll be feeling more chatty." She made her way to the door, pausing before opening it. "For the record, I'm sorry for what Kylo did to you. Whether it matters to you or not I want you to know that I'd never use the force like that." 

Hux rolled his eyes as she opened the door and left. Clearly she was an adept liar, because in his experience any mention of that damned force meant nothing but pain and embarrassment. 

In the hallway, Poe startled when he heard the door opening. "Wow that didn't take long," he snorted. 

"Yeah we didn't get very far," sighed Rey softly. 

"Did he say anything?" 

"Not really. He's quite an abrasive personality but...," she started, "he's afraid of me, or the force more like. I could sense his fear, despite his attempts to bury it." 

"Yeah well," grumbled Poe, "with the way Ren uses it I'm not surprised. I still have nightmares about when he _'interrogated'_ me."

"You're not the only one," murmered Rey. "I'll try and talk to him again tomorrow, but if he's still reluctant with me then maybe you should give it a go. He might actually talk to you since he won't be worried about you force choking the life out of him."

"Maybe you're right," agreed Poe. "Now c'mon I dunno about you but I'm starving." 

* * *

"You're back again." 

"I don't break my promises."

Hux rolled his eyes when Rey sat on the bed, without asking this time. 

"How did you sleep, with your leg and all?" Asked Rey, trying to coax him into conversation. 

"Oh _great_ ," Hux snarked, "there's nothing I love more than springs digging into my spine and an itching bullet wound." 

Rey couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her. "Wow, don't hold back on me." She cleared her throat and became serious once again. "Are you ready to answer my questions yet?" 

"I have _already ans_ wered your questions. I have nothing else to say on the matter." 

"I think we both know there's more to it." 

"Think what you want, but I have nothing to say to you _jedi._ " 

"I understand your reluctance, really, I do," said Rey gently, "but I'm not Kylo, and whatever he did to you..." 

"Oh shut up," exclaimed Hux, "Don't act like you understand, or you _care._ You know absolutely _nothing_ about me, or about _anything_ for that matter so just drop it alright. I told you I have nothing to say to your ridiculous questions so why don't you just get it over with and execute me already." 

Rey stared at him with wide eyes, wondering how best to respond to his outburst. "We're not...we're not going to execute you. I know you think we're monsters but...that'snot who we are." 

She stood from the bed and turned towards him. "I'll leave you be for now. You're obviously not going to tell me anything, and I'm not going to force any information from your so there's really no need for me to be here any longer." 

With a nod she left, not giving him an opportunity to say anything else. 

Poe, who had been sitting against the wall next to the door, stood when he heard the door open. He sighed when he noticed Rey's expression. 

"No luck I'm guessing," 

Rey shook her head. 

"Do you think I'd have any luck with him?" Poe asked. 

"Perhaps," said Rey. "One thing I have noticed is that he's _very_ reluctant to talk about Kylo. Just...bear that in mind." 

Poe nodded and took a deep breathe as he opened the door and stepped in. 

"Hello hugs," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it. I know there's not much gingerpilot in this chapter _but_ I wanted to set up a little side friendship for Hux and Rey soooooo I hope you'll forgive me. 
> 
> I promise there will be lots of gingerpilot in the next chapter :) 
> 
> Until next time x 
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr too [holdingforgeneralhugs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/holdingforgeneralhugs) I always love to chat with people.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone x
> 
> Here we have it, the gingerpilot interaction we've ALL been waiting for. *waves hands dramatically* 
> 
> This chapter is much longer than the last 2. I know the last chapter was mostly dialogue so I put a lot more detail into this one. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy x

_"Hello Hugs."_

Hux groaned and rolled his eyes in annoyance when Poe came in. Just when he thought they'd finally give up. But no, they wouldn't give up that easily, pestilant bugs that they were. 

"What do you want Dameron? I already told the _J_ _edi_ that I have nothing to say." 

"Wow, and here I was thinking you'd be pleased to see me." 

Hux scoffed. "What the kriff makes you think I'd ever be pleased to see you." 

"Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that I _saved_ your ass. But no, don't thank me, really I insist, no need to make a big fuss about it," retorted Poe. 

"Saved me?" Seethed Hux, "you should have left me where I belonged. I didn't ask you to bring me here, I didn't _want_ to come here." He could feel the vein in his temple start to throb. Dameron was a bigger fool than he thought if he expected any gratitude. 

"Oh yeah, because they totally wouldn't have sussed out that you were the spy."

"What makes you so sure of that? Why do you think I asked FN-2187 to give me a non lethal wound?"

"His name is _Finn,_ " hissed Poe. Kriff this man was just the most frustrating person he had ever met. " And if we had left you there they would have killed you for kriff sake." 

"Well wouldn't that have been a goddamn blessing!"

"You know what I'm starting to think maybe it would have been!" 

Poe fists clenched and his nostrils flared. He glared at Hux, who crossed his arms defensively and glared right back at him. 

"Ah, and the truth finally comes out," sneered Hux. He knew it was only a matter of time before Dameron showed his true colours, and he was proven right. "You didn't bring me here to save my life, you brought me here so you could wring ever last piece of useful information out of me before discarding me like a used rag." 

Poe could feel his heart hammering. "Screw you. You know what, maybe that is what we'll do, because it's the only thing you deserve you heartless monster." With that he stormed out, slamming the door behind him and marching down the corridor to the cafeteria. 

He almost ran straight into Finn on his way, so engrossed in his fury that he didn't even see his friend coming. 

"Woah woah Poe what's up? You look like you want to punch something." 

"Maybe cause I _do,_ " Poe huffed, hands still clenched at his sides. "God Hux is...he's an infuriating...ugh I don't even know." 

"Well no awards for that observation," snorted Finn, "the real question is why do you seem so surprised? You know who he is and what he's done." 

Poe paused as he contemplated Finn's words. Why was he so surprised at Hux's reluctance to speak? Was it because deep, deep down he had believed that maybe the man had changed, and had actually wanted to help them? 

"I guess...I guess I thought that since he had been the one feeding us vital information that maybe...maybe he had changed. Clearly I was drastically wrong." 

Finn sighed. Poe's good heart would get him into trouble someday, he just knew it. "Poe, people like him don't change. They just don't." 

"You changed though, and you were trained from childhood." 

"Yeah, you're not wrong there," chuckled Finn, "but somehow I don't think Hux and I have many similarities." 

"Damn straight buddy," laughed Poe, his anger finally starting to dissipate. 

* * *

Poe was working on his X-wing and chatting with Beebee when he heard shouting coming from down the corridor. He rolled out from under the fighter and cleaned his hands on an old rag. When he heard more shouts he became concerned. 

"Hey Snap, you hear that?" 

Snap, who had also been working on his fighter, came over to stand beside Poe, his brow creasing when he heard more shouting. The two pilots shared a look before running down the corridor towards the noise. 

When they turned the corridor by the cafeteria, they skidded to a halt. There was a group of people gathered around something just outside the cafeteria door. One of them moved slightly and Poe got a glimpse of red hair on the ground in the middle of the circle. He ran up to the group and shoved a few people out of the way so he could get a good look at what was going on. 

He flinched when he finally realised what was happening. Hux was on the ground, hand over his head and curled in the fetal position. A few of the newer recruits were taking turns kicking him. 

"Hey hey break it up, break it up!" 

Poe stepped in to the circle, hovering over Hux's body to get between him and his attackers. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shouted. 

'We're giving him a taste of what he deserves," sneered Lesher Kynnovan, a cocky techie who was clearly too big for his boots. Well, time to take him down a peg or two. 

"And who made you judge, jury and executioner huh? You have _no righ_ t to do that to _anyone,_ no matter who they are," snapped Poe, poking a finger into his chest.

"Oh _please_ ," scoffed Lesher, "We all know that no good son of a bitch deserves every bit and more of what we gave him. Who are _you_ to tell us that we can't dish out a bit of justice huh?" 

Poe's face reddened with fury, and he clenched his jaw, ready to knock this fool into the next star system. Who the hell did he think he was? It was lucky Snap, who noticed Poe's rapidly rising temper, stepped in before a brawl could break out. 

"Listen newbie, that's not how we speak to our superiors around here. So you better start showing Commander Dameron some respect and fast." 

Lesher crossed his arms and pressed his lips together, but he lowered his eyes all the same. Snap chuckled internally, clearly he was all bark and no bite. Damn newbie. 

"I know you're new here but you should still damn well know that we are _better_ than that kinda behaviour. You can bet your sorry ass that I'll be telling General Organa about this, so you all better get your sorry asses out of here... _now._ " 

There were a few audible gasps at the threat of the General, and nobody was keen to hang around much longer lest Commander Dameron have a clear memory of them being there. 

Once the group had scampered Poe stepped away from Hux so he could bend down and get a good look at him. He was pretty banged up. His nose was bleeding at looked broken, and he had bruises already forming on his cheeks and around his eyes. 

"You're pretty banged up there Hugs," he said gently. 

"How... _observant_ of you," Hux groaned, trying to push himself up from the ground but falling. He moaned in pain and clutched at his chest. 

"Shit you're really bad," muttered Poe. He turned to Snap quickly. "Could you go and get Doctor Kalonia and get her to being a stretcher? He's not gonna be able to walk." 

Snap nodded and sprinted down the corridor. Poe sat beside Hux as they waited, looking up and down the corridor in case anyone decided to come back for round two. Thankfully the infirmary wasn't too far from the cafeteria, so Snap was back pretty quickly with Doctor Kalonia. 

She tutted softly when she saw the state that Hux was in. "I suppose I don't need to ask what happened to him." 

"Yeah," Poe sighed, "some of the new recruits decided to take matters into their own hands, gave him a nasty beating." 

Kalonia frowned in disapproval but didn't comment any further. No time for that, she had a patient to care for. "Snap, Poe, could you get him onto the stretcher and bring him to the infirmary so I can check him out and give him medication." 

The pilots wasted no time, placing the stretcher on the ground beside Hux and standing over him. 

"Okay Hux, we're gonna move you on one, two..." 

As they moved him he whimpered in agony, but it was over in less than a second. They picked up the stretcher with ease and followed Kalonia to the infirmary. God he was a skinny thing wasn't he? 

"Jeez Hugs do you even eat? You weigh next to nothing."

"I get all the necessary nutrients I need to survive." 

"You make it sound like food is just a means to an end, not something to enjoy." 

"It is just a means to an end, nothing more nothing less." 

Poe didn't get a chance to retort as they had reached the infirmary. Kalonia got straight to work once they got Hux from the stretcher to the bed, shooing both of them out of the way as she called over a nurse droid to perform internal scans. 

"Hey," murmered Snap, "now that we've got him here and he's being seen to I might head back to the hanger. Just...let me know how he is yeah?" 

Poe nodded his assent and Snap left. Poe ambled around the infirmary in search of a chair, and once he found one he pulled it over by Hux's bed. 

"Quite a few cracked ribs," observed Doctor Kalonia, "also a broken nose and quite a few cuts and scrapes on the head. He's got concrete burn on his exposed leg, and the wound on his thigh has reopened as well. You should have brought him straight to me with that leg."

Poe rubbed the back of his neck and looked down. "Sorry doc, I thought I had it fixed up well enough. 

She raised a brow at him in disapproval, but sighed fondly. "You did do a pretty good job on it given your lack of medical training." She turned to Hux, who had been silent during the exchange. "You'll need to go into a bacta tank for a few hours to heal you up, but you'll be alright." With that, she went to the back of the infirmary to get the bacta tank ready. 

Poe looked at Hux gingerly when the doc was gone. "How the hell did this happen?" He asked. He scrubbed his hands down his face and groaned. Yeah, Hux had done some pretty shitty things, and that was putting it lightly, but that didn't mean he deserved to be dragged around and beaten to a pulp. It's just not how anyone should be treated. Goddamm new recruits thinking they know everything. 

"How do you think it happened?" Snapped Hux. "They walked into my cell and dragged me out by the collar." 

"Well obviously," grumbled Poe, "but how the hell did they get...shit." It dawned on him then. There's no way the new recruits could have known the code for the door, because only a handful of people knew the cell codes. Which meant...Poe had left the door unlocked when he'd stormed out. They'd probably been trying the door every so often waiting for their opportunity and Poe had handed it to them on a platter. 

"Shit Hux I'm...I'm real sorry I.. " 

"Save it," spat Hux, glaring at him but wincing in pain, "You said it earlier, my death would have been a blessing."

Poe flinched. He had said that, hadn't he. "I didn't...I didn't mean that...I," 

Doctor Kalonia came back then. She glanced at Poe in mild concern, his face was ashen, but she chalked it down as nothing too serious. She had more pressing matters to deal with. 

"Alright time to get you into the bacta tank. Poe, could you give me a hand since you're here?" 

Poe gulped and nodded. He pushed the gurney over to the bacta tank and helped Hux stand up, much to the latter's dismay. Poe couldn't even look at him, a knot coiling tightly around his gut. Once Hux was sorted he left the infirmary hastily, hoping that if he left quickly the sickly feeling might go away. But it didn't. Once he got to his room he slammed the door quickly behind him and leaned against it, sliding to the ground and hunching over. 

It was all his fault. None of this would have happened if he hadn't been such a hot headed fool. And why did he have to say that Hux would be better dead. Kriff he was an idiot. That's not the kind of person that he was, was it? 

He'd felt the burden of every life he had taken during the course of this war, be they enemies or friends. It was easier to forget about them when he was in the cockpit in the heat of battle, but in the quiet moments after battle he always felt that tell-tale coil of guilt in the pit of his stomach. 

For him to even suggest that _anyone_ would be better off dead...it was damn awful, and he accepted the burning shame as punishment for his loose tongue and fiery temper. He knew he'd have to apologise to Hux properly, even though the thought of it was near sickening and he knew Hux wouldn't accept it anyway. 

But it was the right thing to do, and dammit...he had to do it even if it killed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And scene. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also I just had to include Snap because I genuinely adore him, especially in the Aftermath series. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of it 
> 
> Until next time x
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr too [holdingforgeneralhugs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/holdingforgeneralhugs) I always love to chat with people.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone x
> 
> I'm so so sorry this chapter is sooooooo late I know. The time completely got away from me and this chapter has been a WIP for weeks. I promise I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy x

Poe skulked around the door of the infirmary, repeatedly going to enter and then backing out at the last second. He knew he had to go in eventually though, so he inhaled deeply and pushed the door open firmly. No backing out now. 

He scanned the room quickly searching for Hux, spotting him in a bed at the top of the room. His footsteps echoed in the otherwise empty infirmary, though thankfully Hux was asleep and didn't hear him come in. He stood at the end of the bed for a few moments, looking over Hux intently. 

He looked a lot younger in sleep, the permanent disapproving crease in his brow smoothed out, and his hair falling loosely around his face. Poe noticed just how thin and pale he was, like porcelain that could crack at any moment. He briefly felt a strange urge to brush his hair out of his face, but shook his head and quickly put that out of his mind. That would be an absolutely terrible idea. 

He was broken out of his reverie by Doctor Kalonia coming up beside him quietly. "He's doing fine now," she said quietly, "the bacta tank healed him up well so now he just needs to rest for a bit."

"That's good Doc," Poe replied, "he got beat up pretty bad by a few of the new recruits." 

Kalonia nodded dismally. "Yes I had presumed something like that had happened to him." 

Poe gulped and glanced at the doctor nervously. "Listen," he started, "thanks for treating him. I know with...with who he is..." 

"Don't worry," smiled Kalonia, "regardless of anything, a patient is a patient. I don't discriminate against anyone who needs my help, no matter who they are." She patted Poe's shoulder before heading to her office, leaving him alone with Hux. 

He sighed and pulled over a chair, sitting by Hux's head. For awhile he looked around the infirmary, twiddling his thumbs and avoiding looking at Hux at all costs. After a while he took to fleeting glancing at him every few minutes, quickly looking away again before he could think too much about it. Eventually he gave up and gazed intently at Hux once again. 

Up close, Poe could see the dark circles under Hux's eyes, making him look gaunt. He couldn't help but notice his long, delicate eyelashes, matching his fiery hair. He noted his sharp cheekbones, thinking he had the most severe looking face since Tarkin himself. He was alluring to look at. 

He once again got the urge to brush Hux's hair back, and his hand had reached out and almost done it before he realised what was happening. He quickly pulled his hand back and rubbed at his eyes. " _Shit_ ," he whispered to himself. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to deny to himself that he thought Hux was kinda _pretty_ of all things. He felt his cheeks heating at the sheer ridiculousness of it. 

He yawned suddenly and covered his mouth to stifle it, but he couldn't muster the energy to open his eyes. He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. What's the worst that could happen if he slept here for the night?

* * *

Hux woke with a groan. His arms felt like they had durasteel weights on them, but he somehow managed to raise them and rub at his eyes. Once he could muster the energy he surveyed his surroundings, sceptically raising an eyebrow when he noticed Dameron asleep on the chair beside his bed. What was he doing here? 

He studied Dameron then, unable to take his eyes off him once he started looking. Hux had to concede that he was quite handsome, with his brown curls and his strong jaw and long fluttery eyelashes. He grumbled and shook his head sharply. What was he thinking? This man had brought him here as a prisoner and he was _admiring_ him. 

Poe must have heard Hux grumbling, as he stretched his arms over his head and yawned tiredly. He winced when he sat forward, twisting his body so he could crack his stiff back. 

"Good, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Oh just wonderful, I've never felt better," drawled Hux. 

Poe rolled his eyes and scowled. "Well glad to see you haven't lost your wonderful charm. 

Before Hux could retort the doctor entered the infirmary. She smiled gently as she approached them. "How are you feeling?" She asked Hux, standing at the end of the bed. 

"Stiff," he replied shortly. 

"Well that's to be expected. Now I think you should be good to go," - she turned to Poe - "Since you're here you can take him. Somewhere safe preferably because no doubt his assailants will be looking for another opportunity to strike." 

Poe blinked in surprise. He hadn't anticipated that he'd have to look after Hux. Where the hell could he even take him? He supposed he better get him some clothes first. He was tall but stick thin, so finding him something that would fit would be near impossible. 

"Sure thing doc, I'm just gonna get him some clothes first." 

"I'm not wearing anything you give me," hissed Hux, "kriff knows it's probably filthy and ravaged by moths." 

"Would you rather prance around in your tattered uniform?" Poe watched in mild amusement as Hux glared but remained silent, unable to argue. Poe smirked and headed out of the infirmary to search for the clothes. 

When Poe came back he handed the clothes to Hux, who sneered at them in disdain. 

"These are ghastly, you can't possibly expect me to wear those." 

"Well tough shit princess cause it's all we got." Poe stepped back then and turned around. "Now get changed while I figure out what to do with you." 

Hux grumbled but ultimately decided he'd better change. It was only slightly less undignified than walking around in his tattered uniform. Kriff he missed the days where he had a freshly pressed uniform ready every morning. He'd probably never see pressed clothes again because clearly the resistance had never heard of an iron.

Poe couldn't help but chuckle when he heard Hux grumbling and tutting behind him. He was probably the most disagreeable person he had ever met. Now, what to do with him after they left the infirmary? He was reluctant to put him in another cell, even though he would be careful about locking the door this time. Who knows how someone might hack the damn thing and take another swing at him? But there was really nowhere else to take him, unless...

"Alright Dameron I'm dressed." 

Poe turned swiftly and couldn't suppress his smile. The shirt was far too loose, but he had tucked it into the pants, which surprisingly fit him rather well given his slim legs. He looked quite adorable in his own way, which was a totally stupid thing for Poe to be thinking and completely not acceptable. 

"Good, you'll fit right in." Poe grinned at Hux's scowl. "Now c'mon, or do I need to walk behind you with a blaster at your back?" 

Hux rolled his eyes and sighed, stepping up beside Poe and motioning for him to lead the way. There would be no advantage to attempting any sort of escape or otherwise right now. He'd need to bide his time, and unfortunately that meant doing what he was told for the time being. He walked beside Poe, unwilling to be seen following him like some sort of lost puppy. 

Eventually they stopped at a door, and Poe paused for a moment, reassuring himself that this was the right thing to do. Finally he opened the door and motioned Hux in, and he locked the door behind them...just to be on the safe side. 

Hux had stopped a few paces from the doorway, scanning the room and taking it all in. There wasn't much by way of furniture, only a bunk bed, a small desk and a clothes rack. There was a door on his right, presumably leading to a fresher. Clearly this was Dameron's living quarters. The question was why had he brought him here? 

"Is there a reason I'm standing in your living quarters?" 

Poe rubbed the nape of his neck awkwardly. "Well...I thought this would be the safest place to bring you. I mean I couldn't risk taking you back to a cell in case those idiots somehow hacked the door and got in. And I obviously couldn't leave you in a room because that wouldn't be very secure so...here we are I guess." 

Hux peered at Poe incredulously. He had brought him back to his quarters because he claimed he was _concerned for his safety._ How completely and utterly preposterous. Hux was a prisoner in all but name, and he had the audacity to imply that he _cared._

"You don't honestly expect me to believe that you are _concerned_ about my safety do you?" Sneered Hux. 

"Well I..." started Poe, but Hux interrupted him. 

"Because that is totally ridiculous considering it's _your_ fault they were able to attack me in the first place." 

Poe's retort died on his lips. He froze, eyes wide and mouth agape. He couldn't even argue back, because Hux was right, it was entirely his fault. He geared himself up to apologise for his carelessness, but it appeared that Hux wasn't quite finished. 

"Also why would you care what happens to me? Nobody does, nor ever has, so why would you of all people be the first to break the wheel? You're fooling nobody with your pretence of care." 

Poe was dumbfounded. He couldn't possibly mean that could he? The thought that he'd never had anyone care about him...kriff it was sad. No it was worse, it was all kinds of messed up and Poe felt genuine pity for the man standing in front of him. 

"Hux I...shit I didn't..." 

"Save it," spat Hux. He scratched at his left wrist and glanced away from Poe, who was still staring at him with his eyebrows furrowed. How could he even respond to something like that? He barely even know the guy other than the basic details on the file they had on him. Poe took a small step towards him, but Hux took an equal step back. Poe sighed, clearly he wasn't going to get anywhere with him. 

Hux cleared his throat and looked over at Poe again. "Well, you may as well hurry up and cuff me to the bed post already. No point delaying the inevitable." 

"Wow, who would have guessed General Hux had a cuffing kink." 

Poe's mouth clearly wasn't in sync with his brain, because his brain was screaming at him that that was an utterly ridiculous and inappropriate thing to say to Hux of all people. Too late now though because it was well and truly out there and now his brain had swiftly moved on from Hux's outburst. Instead it was focusing on the image of him chained to Poe's bed. 

Poe felt his ears burn. He looked down at his feet and pinched his eyes shut for a moment. He refused to acknowledge the fact that that particular mental image hadn't been entirely unpleasant. There was no way he would ever admit to himself that his heart had momentarily raced at the thought Hux's slender body...nope, that just didn't bear thinking about. Hux still hadn't said anything, so Poe glanced up at him cautiously and instantly regretted it. Hux's pale cheeks were a lovely shade of pink, which Poe's treacherous brain added to the image of Hux chained to his bed and... _Kriff_ that was so not helping the situation. 

Poe swallowed and coughed awkwardly. "I...shit that's...I was kidding obviously." He finally managed to look at Hux, who to his credit seemed outwardly unaffected, like Poe had merely pointed out the weather to him. His only give away was his pink stained cheeks. Poe gulped nervously - "I'll just lock the door if I need to leave you here alone. " 

"Because you did such a good job of remembering to do that before," Hux sneered. 

"Look," Poe sighed. He had to just get this out there for his own peace of mind. "For the record I'm really sorry about that. It was reckless and stupid and I shouldn't have done it. I let my temper get the better of me and then you got hurt because of it and I feel really shit about it. And if you don't accept it that's fine but...I had to say it anyway." 

Hux raised an eyebrow at him sceptically. "I don't believe a single word of what you just said." 

Poe huffed, his temper starting to rise again, but he kept it at bay. Hux wanted argue with him so he'd slip up again, but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of it. 

"Fine," Poe murmured. He put his hands in his pockets and swiftly turned to the door, desperately needing to escape the tension. He paused just before closing the door behind him, twisting around to face Hux once more. "The top bunk is yours. I'm going to get us some food. Try not to do too much damage to the place while I'm gone to the cafeteria alright?" 

Hux scoffed and rolled his eyes as the door closed between them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it. I didn't know if I should end this chapter at this point because I have the next bit planned out but I ultimately decided to split it into 2 chapters, and this seemed like the most natural part to end it on. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed and I'll see you all soon with the next chapter x
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr too [holdingforgeneralhugs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/holdingforgeneralhugs) I always love to chat with people.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _*crawls out from behind the Bush I've been hiding in the last few months*_
> 
> Ok I guys I know it's been way way _waaaayy_ too long since I last updated and I'm really sorry about that. I had serious lack of motivation like I'd come on, write like 3 lines and then just wouldn't want to do anymore. But I still really love this story and I want to keep going with it so I'm hoping you guys will stick with me. 
> 
> Now without further ado, here is chapter 5.

Hux sighed. Finally, he was alone. He scrunched his nose in distaste as he surveyed the room again, noticing a thin film of dust on the desk. Filthy rebels. Kriff he missed the sterile, spotless surfaces on his star destroyer. 

He shouldn't really be surprised though. Everything about Dameron was... _unkempt,_ from his untucked shirt and battered boots to his ridiculous hair. But oh...that ridiculous hair looked so soft _._ If he could just...

He could slap himself for thinking something so...so _stupid._ Dameron was rebel scum, he should not be thinking that he was in anyway attractive...because he really wasn't even that attractive anyway, and certainly wasn't Hux's type. In all honesty he didn't even have a type. There hadn't been anyone since...

No, he was not going to go down that dark alley again. He scratched at his wrist subconsciously as he paced around the room. He eventually paused and decided to take a closer look around the place. First he went into the fresher. There wasn't much to see in there, just some pine scented shampoo and conditioner, and a bar of soap. Dameron's hair must smell so...no, that was an idiotic thought. Hux quickly left the bathroom in the hope of banishing those treacherous thoughts. 

He noticed a droid charging dock beside the door. That pesky droid must stay in here too then. _Great._ As if Dameron alone wasn't bad enough. Hux sighed and climbed up to the top bunk, crawling to the top of the bed and pulling his knees to his chest. How the kriff did he let himself get into this dreadful situation? And more importantly, how was he going to get out of it? 

* * *

Poe was picking at a goja when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He started and looked up, relieved when he realised it was just Leia. 

"I've been meaning to find you," she sighed, "we need to have a serious chat about your new roommate, preferably somewhere less...public." 

Poe nodded and stood from his chair, following Leia to her office. She motioned him inside once they got there, locking the door behind her to ensure no disruptions. Poe snorted when she grabbed a bottle of Corellian rum and two glasses. So, it was going to be one of those conversations then. 

"So tell me," she started, pouring a drink and passing it to him before continuing, "how exactly did you end up with one of the most powerful men in the First Order as your roommate?" 

Poe sipped from his drink before answering. He told her everything that had happened after they set foot on the star destroyer. She didn't interrupt, waiting until she knew Poe was finished before she asked any questions. Poe gulped down the rest of his drink, parched from retelling the story of the last few days.

"Well," sighed Leia, "safe to say I'll be having a word with the new recruits about their unsavoury behaviour." She downed the end of her drink before continuing. "I do have to wonder how Hux of all people decided to feed us information. It seems particularly out of character." 

Poe nodded in agreement. "You're right on that one. And honestly it's been complete chaos since we got him here so I haven't even had a chance to question him about anything." He put his head in his hands and groaned. "Kriff I'm an absolutely disastrous commander." 

Leia placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "Now now, we both know that's not true. You may be as stubborn as a bantha sometimes, but you're a good leader Poe." 

He rolled his eyes at her, but smiled gratefully all the same. Ever since he'd joined the resistance Leia had been like a mother to him. She took him under her wing and looked out for him like he was her own. It was nice to know that she was always there for him. 

"Alright then, I'll take you to speak with him," said Poe, standing from his chair and waiting for Leia before walking with her to his room. He felt a strange urge to knock before entering, but he quickly realised how stupid that was considering it was _his_ room. He took a deep breath and opened the door, preparing himself for the grilling that was about to take place. 

* * *

Hux jolted when the door opened. He had been in a sort of daze, staring blankly at a damp spot on the top corner of the wall. So when Poe walked in with the _Princess,_ it's safe to say he was startled. He climbed down from the top bunk as gracefully as he could, not wanting to look a fool in front of her _majesty_. 

"Well, well, well," he jeered, "an audience with royalty. To what do I owe such an honour?" He surveyed her closely, and he began to see similarities between the princess and her ghastly son. They had the same piercing eyes and arching cheekbones, and they both radiated power, reluctant as he was to admit it. 

Leia pursed her lips, but otherwise remained as stoic as ever. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news Mr Hux, but I'll be the one asking the questions here." She entered the room fully then, and sat at the tiny desk. "Now, how about you tell me what exactly it is that you're doing here." 

"I would have thought that was obvious," Hux sneered contemptously, "I'm here because that idiot kidnapped me and brought me here." 

Poe rolled his eyes and was about to retort when Leia raised a hand to stop him. She was going to maintain control of this. "I think we both know that to be false," she stated calmly "considering you were supplying us with information for months. Why don't you tell me why you suddenly decided to turn against the First Order." 

Hux bristled at that. "I didn't turn against the Order. I love the Order, I dedicated my entire life to it." 

"Then what would you call supplying the enemy with information? Because I would call that turning against the Order." 

"I would call it saving the Order," hissed Hux, his nostrils flaring and the vein in his forehead starting to pulse. 

Leia scoffed, "That's an intruiging way of 'saving the Order' as you put it. What were you saving it from, itself?" 

Hux's nostrils flared. "As a matter of fact I was trying to save it from your brainless son before he ran it into the ground, but evidently I have failed." 

He didn't miss the way Leia stiffened at the mention of her wayward son. Clearly, even after all these years, it was still a sensitive nerve for her. Maliciously he thought that perhaps it was a nerve he could continue to poke.

"He has absolutely no sense of leadership," he continued, "He prances around like the royal _prat_ that he is and..." 

"That is _quite_ enough thank you," snapped Leia. Hux smirked smugly, enjoying the fact that he had managed to crack her otherwise cool facade. He watched as she gathered her composure once more. 

"How can we be sure that this isn't some elaborate ruse to infiltrate our ranks?" 

"You can't," Hux snarled, "so you might as well just get it over with and kill me already." 

Poe, who had decided to stay out of the questioning, felt a strange twinge of despair at Hux's statement. Kriff knows he couldn't explain why it was exactly, but he felt strangely protective of the fallen general. He could tell that underneath all his bluster and bravado, Hux was scared. 

"We're not going to kill you, that's not how we operate around here. However we do ask questions and expect answers. So now I have another question for you. Did you anticipate the defeat of the Order? Did you decide to supply us with information as some sort of attempt to escape punishment for your crimes?" 

"What you consider to be crimes," Hux scowled, "others consider a necessary evil." 

Leia, normally so calm and collected, felt her hackles rising. She had friends who died on Hosnia, and the man who killed them was standing in front of her like he'd done the galaxy some kind of favour. She inhaled deeply through her nose before responding, lest she say something hot headed. She wasn't as young as she used to be and her blood pressure couldn't handle too many heated arguments these days. 

"Are you really going to stand here in front of me and try to justify what you did on Hosnia?" 

"Yes," replied Hux, turning his nose up at her, "yes I am." 

Leia stood then and brushed down the front of her coat. "Right then," she huffed, clearing her throat, "I'm clearly not going to get anything from you so I'm not going to waste anymore of my time." 

Just as she was opening the door she turned to Poe. "Perhaps you might have a bit more luck with him. And for goodness sake don't let him out of your sight again." 

* * *

Poe rested his head against the cool metal of his door. It was just him and Hux now, and for some reason the thought of being left alone with the other man left a nervous pit in his stomach. He sighed roughly before turning around and facing Hux, who was staring back at him smugly. 

"You know," started Poe, rolling his eyes, "you could have saved yourself and us a whole lot of agro if you had just been honest." 

Hux snorted in amusement. "What ever do you mean Dameron? I was completely honest with your Princess." 

Poe stared at Hux in disbelief. "Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me that what you did on Hosnia was _justified_ _?_ " 

Hux flinched imperceptibly, but quickly gathered himself again before Dameron noticed. "As I told your princess, what some consider crimes others consider a necessary evil." 

Poe's jaw clenched and his face reddened. "You are unbelievable. How can you pass off the deaths of innocent people as a necessity?" 

"Because Dameron," sighed Hux irritably, "it's simply par for the course with war. You of all people must know this considering your kill count." 

"My _kill count?_ " snapped Poe, "what the hell are you talking about?" Saying he had a kill count made it seem like he was running around mindlessly murdering innocent people, which he wasn't of course. He was trying to save the galaxy from the murderous tyrants that Hux formally called his army. 

"I'm talking about all the innocent, yes... _innocent_ lives you have taken during this war. The resistance has killed millions of our people, and you yourself have had a hand in the vast majority of those deaths." 

Hux relished the indignant look on Poe's face. Here he stood, the righteous man, fully believing he had never done a thing wrong during the war. What an ignorant fool he was. 

"I have never taken an innocent life intentionally," seethed Poe, "I have been hellbent on stopping you and your people from murdering _billions_ since the first time I flew that X-wing. How dare you stand there acting all sanctimonious when you yourself are a _world destroyer."_

"Well," smirked Hux, "I may be a world destroyer, a _starkiller_ if you will, but at least I can own that. You say you've never killed an innocent? Tell that to the two hundred thousand lives you took when you destroyed _The Fulminatrix._ "

Poe gaped at Hux in disbelief. "Are you actually serious? You cant seriously be trying to say that anyone working for the Order is innocent. Anyone who associates with the Order is a sympathiser, and if you're a sympathiser then you're part of the problem." 

"Oh you simple minded fool, " scoffed Hux, "you really truly believe that don't you? It's actually laughable." He couldn't believe that the resistance were actually so blind to the realities of the galaxy. What a bunch of soft headed fools. 

Poe couldn't even dignify that with a response, so ridiculous as it was. Hux was truly deluded, that much was clear.

"Consider this," continued Hux, taking Poe's silence as an opening to continue his prodding, "are the janitors and cleaners hell bent on world domination? What about the cooks and the servers? Do you think they strive to see a world go up in flames? Kriff, even most of the Troopers and admin staff don't actually care for the cause they're just following orders. So you see Dameron, your innocent kill count is actually quite substantial." 

Poe's chest clenched and tightened uncomfortably. He felt sweat starting to bead on his forehead as he processed Hux's words. His throat tightened and his mouth dried when it finally hit him. He...he was a _murderer._ He was no better than those he swore to destroy, because in the process of destroying them he had killed hundreds of thousands of people who were just trying to make a living 

Hux relished in Poe's discomfort, and was able to pinpoint the exact moment where the reality of his own atrocities dawned on him. He saw the colour drain from his face as he realised what he had done. 

"Loth cat got your tongue Dameron?" Goaded Hux. 

Poe barely even heard him, so consumed by his panic and confusion. He felt like his entire time in the resistance was a lie. He had always believed he had been doing the right thing, but now he didn't know what to think. Hel felt like a fraud. 

"Really Dameron I'm surprised that you're so shaken by this information I mean surely you weren't naive enough to think that nobody worked for the order to make ends meat?" 

Poe couldn't breathe. He needed fresh air and space to think, and most importantly he needed to get as far away from Hux as possible. 

"I...I'm gonna...," he stuttered, unable to even get the words out. He turned for the door and opened it with shaking hands, needing to get away as quickly as possible. 

"Welcome to the club Dameron," said Hux mirthlessly, "hope you enjoy the guilt as much as I do." 

Poe had just enough sense to lock the door after it closed behind him. He leaned his back against the door for just a moment, before taking off down the corridor as quick as he could, with Hux's last words echoing around in his head. 

" _Hope you enjoy the guilt as much as I do._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it. Hope you all enjoyed the dose of angst I included for you guys to make up for my awful update times. (Again, I'm really sorry.)
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr too [holdingforgeneralhugs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/holdingforgeneralhugs) I always love to chat with people.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers
> 
> Yes, I have returned _again_ after months of nothing. I know, I am absolutely horrid but I promise this time I will update more regularly. And I really mean it this time because I am determined to see this story through to the end! 
> 
> I really really enjoyed writing this chapter. It all came together so well for me and I'm so pleased with it so I hope you all enjoy it and that it makes up for the months of drought I've had with this story.

His head was spinning. He bumped into several people, but he had no recollection of who they were. When he finally reached an empty corridor he staggered against the wall, just managing to lean his palms on the cold stone to stop himself from falling. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, desperately trying to take deep breaths and slow his racing heart. 

_"I hope you enjoy the guilt as much as I do."_

Hux's words echoed in his mind. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. Poe was nothing like them. He did only what was necessary to stop those tyrants from reigning terror on the galaxy. He had no personal gain to get from any of it, he only did it because it was the right thing to do. And yet he knew that he was lying to himself. He knew that buried deep down there was a part of him that enjoyed the fight, enjoyed watching as tie fighters exploded. He couldn't deny the thrill of excitement he'd felt as he watched _The Fulminatrix_ implode on itself. 

He faintly registered that his body was trembling as the realisation hit him. He was a monster, just as bad as Hux. He had done unspeakable things and felt no remorse for it, had even thought that it was exciting. He slammed his fist into the wall as hard as he could, barely even feeling the dull pain as his knuckles split open. He looked down at them vacantly, watching the blood seep out of the wound. 

"Poe are you ok?" 

He startled when he felt Rey's hand on his shoulder. Her hazel eyes creased in concern when she noticed his bleeding hand. "What's happened? You're clearly upset about something." 

Poe's response was on the tip of his tongue when he paused. He couldn't tell her, couldn't tell anyone in fact. They wouldn't understand. Rey was a jedi, and jedi were righteous and just. She would never understand what Poe was feeling. Neither would Finn or Rose. Hell, Finn had abandoned the First Order because he couldn't stomach the violence, what would he think of Poe if he ever found out? No, he couldn't confide in them. He would have to carry this burden on his own. 

"It's nothing, " he murmered, "just Hux being difficult is all. I may or may not have let my temper get the better of me." 

"Listen," sighed Rey, frowning gently, "if Hux is being a handful I can always try to talk to him again. Maybe I might be able to get through to him after a while?" 

"Thanks for the offer Rey," he smiled gratefully. He winced when he clenched his fist. The bleeding had stopped but it was starting to dry on his cuts and cracked when be flexed his fingers. 

"You better go to the medbay and get Dr Kalonia to put some bacta on that," warned Rey. Poe nodded in agreement and patted her on the shoulder as he went back down the corridor, trying to figure out where exactly he was so he could get to the medbay.

When he finally got there he wished that he hadn't come. Dr Kalonia tutted in disapproval when she saw the state of his hand, which just made him feel even more like bantha shit. She was just about to place the bacta strip around his hand when he pulled it away abruptly. Dr Kalonia raised an eyebrow at him in confusion. 

"There's no need for bacta Doc, just wrap it in a bandage and it'll be fine." 

"Poe that's foolish, bacta will heal it much quicker than..." 

"Please Doc," he pleaded gently, "just wrap it in a bandage for me." 

Dr Kalonia considered him for a moment before sighing in defeat and going to fetch a cloth bandage. He looked down at his now bruising knuckles while he waited, and he felt the lump in his chest return. He deserved the bruising, and the lingering pain that would come without a bacta strip to heal it. He deserved to be reminded of what a monster he truly was. The Doc patched him up wordlessly and sent him off with a roll of cloth so he could change the bandages every few days. 

He wasn't sure where to go. He didn't want to face Hux again just yet, and he also wanted to be left alone. He walked aimlessly while his mind wandered, and before he knew it he was in the hanger bay. He spotted BB-8 under his x-wing, no doubt tinkering with something and he couldn't help but smile at his best friend. No matter what happened he knew he could always rely on BB. 

"Hey buddy, whatcha fixing?" 

BB-8 beeped happily when Poe patted him, but quickly rolled over to him when he noticed his distress. He bumped against Poe's leg gently, asking what was wrong. 

"Don't worry about me buddy, I've just got a lot on my mind right now." 

BB asked if the General Hugs was the problem, and threatened to electrocute him if he had done something. Poe couldn't help snorting at his droid, patting him fondly. He again told BB not to worry, and was glad when the droid decided to drop the subject. They spent hours together, tinkering with his ship and chatting about everything and anything. For awhile he completely forgot about all of his problems. But eventually it was time to face everything once again. It was getting late, and Poe knew that Hux must be half starved by now.

"Hey BB," he started as he wiped the grease off his hands, "maybe it's best if you stay in the droid charging area for awhile. Just while Hux is staying in my room. Wouldn't want him trying to rewire your circuits now would we?" 

BB cursed the General Hugs and proudly stated that he would never get close enough to do such a thing, but ultimately agreed to stay in the charging area for now. Poe laughed at his fiery droid and gave him one last pat on the head before sending him off for an oil bath. He sighed as he watched him whizz away, slightly relieved to know that no matter what, he would always have BB. 

* * *

Hux startled when the door opened and Dameron came in. He was surprised, but also relieved to see him carrying a tray of food. Dameron had been gone all day after his little tantrum and Hux was famished. 

When he thought about it, he really wasn't surprised that Dameron was oblivious to the true nature of the acts he'd committed during the war. All those soft minded rebels were the same. They thought they were better than everyone else but they were wrong. They see the world as black and white but that isn't reality. It's all just a swirling grey, with good in the bad and bad in the good. Partaking in war is accepting the price of it, and clearly the rebels are too naive to even see that much. 

Hux climbed down from the top bunk and looked at Dameron with contempt. "How kind of you to remember to feed your prisoner," he snarled. He watched with intruige as Poe winced slightly at his harshness. 

"You're not a _prisoner_ for kriff's sake." 

"Oh really," Hux mocked, "what exactly would you call me then? A diplomatic hostage?"

Poe slammed the tray on his desk and turned to face Hux, his jaw clenched. "I didn't bring you here as a political prisoner or a hostage. I brought you back here because you were a goddamn _spy_ and we both know they were going to find out and you would have been killed." 

Hux crossed his arms and huffed, turning his head away from Dameron. "You don't know that they would have killed me," he grumbled. Curse Dameron and his ridiculous hero-saviour complex. 

"We are not having this argument again," Poe sighed. He picked up a plate and cutlery and handed it to Hux, who glanced down at it and wrinkled his nose. Poe rolled his eyes and shoved it closer to him, "Here, you need to eat you must be starving so quit being picky and just take the damn plate." 

Hux huffed but eventually conceded and took the food after his stomach gave a low growl. As he was taking the plate from Dameron he noticed the cloth bandage around his hand. He raised an eyebrow at it but if Dameron noticed his sudden curiosity he ignored it. Instead he went to sit on the bottom bunk and tried his best not to stare at Hux picking at his food. He was failing miserably however, and Hux could feel his eyes boring into the back of his head. He eventually forced down the last bite and stood slowly, unsure of what would happen now. 

He crossed his arms and towards Dameron, who was fiddling distractedly with the bandage on his hand. "What happened your hand?" Hux asked after awhile, "and why didn't you get a bacta strip on it? Do you rebels not even have the credits to buy bacta?" 

Poe looks up, startled at the sudden break in the silence. He glances back down at his hand, seemingly contemplating if he should even respond. He takes so long that Hux thinks he won't even bother responding. But then he blinked up at him and sighed. "I punched a wall. I wanted it bandaged up the old fashioned way as a kind of reminder to myself." 

Hux pondered this explanation. Obviously their argument had gotten to Dameron. Clearly he had come to the realisation that Hux was right about everything and it had consumed him. 

"I see," he said, "so you eventually came to the realisation that I was, in fact, correct and got so put out about it that you punched a wall. Then you decided to prolong your suffering as a reminder to yourself of just how wrong you were. I must say I'm surprised, I didn't think your incessant stubbornness would allow you to see the truth that has been staring you in the face all this time. 

Poe stood up and closed the space between them so abruptly that Hux involuntarily stepped back, his back hitting the wall. Dameron's eyes were ablaze and his fists were clenched tightly at his side. But Hux would not be intimidated by him. He glared right back at him.

"You have _no idea_ what you're talking about," Poe spat, "I don't give a damn what you say, I know you don't feel a shred of remorse for what you did." 

"You think you're so smart don't you Dameron," seethed Hux, "You think you've got me all figured out. Well you don't. You know _nothing_ , absolutely fucking _nothing_ about me Dameron. You and your simple minded naivety couldn't possibly comprehend how I felt about Starkiller _or_ what it did to me." 

" _Liar_ ," shouted Poe, slamming his palm against the wall beside Hux's shoulder. Hux flinched almost imperceptibly, but it'd take a lot more than a pathetic threat to rattle him. 

"The only liar here is you Dameron," Hux hissed viciously, "I made peace with my actions a long time ago but you, you've been lying to yourself for years and..." 

Hux was cut off abruptly as Poe's lips crashed against his violently. He froze for a fraction of a second, unsure of what exactly was happening and how it had happened. But then Dameron bit his lip harshly and well, he couldn't let him think that he could push him around, so he kissed him back with just as much violent force. It was messy and rough and completely lacked any sort of finesse. Their teeth knocked together and their tongues were battling for dominance. 

Poe's fists clenched Hux's shirt roughly, pulling him down to his level for a better angle. Hux grabbed Poe's collar with one hand and slid his other into his curls. They were soft, just as he'd secretly suspected to himself. He curled his fingers against his scalp and tugged sharply. Poe gasped, a groan escaping his throat before he could stop it. 

Hux shivered slightly as Poe's nose grazed his cheek and their heavy breaths mingled. His hand was still firmly grasping Poe's hair, and Poe's hand tightened it's grip on his shirt briefly. He opened his eyes slowly and looked down at Dameron. His cheeks were stained a deep red, his lips shining and swollen. His gaze flickered to Poe's chocolate eyes, which were now almost black, his pupils blown wide. Hux watched as Poe glanced at his lips fleetingly, before trailing his gaze back up to meet Hux's eyes. 

Just like that the haze lifted and Poe's eyes cleared. He released Hux's shirt and stumbled backwards, his mouth gaping and face flushing. He looked anywhere but at Hux, continuing to back away until he bounced off the bed post.

Hux was frozen in place, and he could feel a damning heat rising from his chest to the tips of his ears. His eyes slowly widened in horror at what he had just allowed to take place. Even worse, he had actually encouraged it. What was he thinking? He should have pushed Dameron away the second he even dared to lay a hand on him. How could he be so completely stupid? 

Poe was desperately grasping for something to say, anything to cut through the electric tension. He felt like the walls had closed in, and that there wasn't nearly enough space between him and Hux. He looked around hopelessly for some sort of escape, and the second his eyes landed on the fresher door he bolted without a word. Once he was safely inside he leaned back against the door and slid slowly to the ground. He took a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart. His lips were still tingling, and he absentmindedly reached up to touch them, fruitlessly trying to ignore the lurch in his gut when he remembered how Hux's lips had felt against his. 

Outside the fresher, Hux had finally managed to move away from his spot against the wall. His face was still burning, and he shamefully admitted to himself that it wasn't all due to embarrassment. He glanced at the fresher door, realising that Dameron could come back out any minute. The last thing he wanted was another awkward encounter with him, so he quickly climbed into his bunk and turned to face the wall. 

When he closed his eyes all he could see in his mind was Dameron's dark eyes, all he could hear was that low groan escaping his swollen lips. He could still feel his soft curls threading through his fingers. 

He squeezed his blanket with his fists, desperately trying to block it all from his mind. It never should have happened in the first place. He was a glorified prisoner for kriff's sake, and besides that, Dameron was a simple minded fool. He sighed deeply and pulled the blanket up under his chin, determined to fall asleep and pretend that the whole ridiculous encounter had never happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you have it. A sprinkle of angst and a dash of lust and boom, we have this chapter. This was definitely my favourite to write so I hope you all enjoyed it and I promise more is to come soon. 
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr too [holdingforgeneralhugs](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/holdingforgeneralhugs) I always love to chat with people.)


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